why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
