All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I checked into jail on foursquare
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
