I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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