i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
