Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
