ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
