He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
