I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
How does one acquire holy water?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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