Where did you get a picture of my penis
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
