I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I met the friendliest cop last night
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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