Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
