Fuck appropriateness.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Enjoy the penises
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
