She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
