I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
