shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize