I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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