I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
