Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I have aggressive nipples.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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