my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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