Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Randomize
