I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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