dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
you made out with another girl for some wings
I have already put on my inside pants.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
