I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
