I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Randomize
