"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
