he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
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