You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
