i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
