New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
