Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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