remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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