I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
