Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
