watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
