God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
