Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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