wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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