My balls are so social today.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
