God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Pants 0. Shit 1.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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