the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
