you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I think I sprained my soul last night
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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