dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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