is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
