remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
