im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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