We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Farmville is her only friend.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
