Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
