she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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