Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
