News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
