he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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