I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
