what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Ketchup is God's man juice
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
