in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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