we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize