I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
