I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
