Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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