listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
