Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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