Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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