I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
