what day is it and did you see me today?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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