She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
