Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
