i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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