Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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