I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
