At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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