I think scott just propositioned me for sex
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize