my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
