This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
