is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
