She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
