Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
