Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize