you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
