I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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