saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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