last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
