I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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