If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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