Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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