The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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