he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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