i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
