who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
