Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
