I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Buhtt sex?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
