Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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