Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
