pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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