So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
