I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
