Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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