Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
