I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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