What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
