So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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