in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
