My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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