So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
