I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
